Warp 5 Wedgie

Burger King has launched a series of viral ads promoting the new Star Trek film. I found this one particularly funny...

remember kids... go commando...

Resultados de INNERGEEK...

And my results were... drumrole please

48.91519%

Making me a Super Geek...

More geeky stuff

Thanks Beto for the web pages... and i share with you even more geekyness!

First: The Klingon programmer

For all of you that have no clue what a klingon is... i recommend you check out Star Trek: The next generation... and to make it even more geeky... PROGRAMMING KLINGONS!... here are things that are likely to be overheard if you had a Klingon Programmer:

• Defensive programming? Never! Klingon programs are always on the offense. Yes, offensive programming is what we do best.
• Specifications are for the weak and timid!
• Indentation?! - I will show you how to indent when I indent your skull!
• What is this talk of 'release'? Klingons do not make software 'releases'. Our software 'escapes' leaving a bloody trail of designers and quality assurance people in its wake.
• Klingon function calls do not have 'parameters' - they have 'arguments' -- and they ALWAYS WIN THEM.
• Debugging? Klingons do not debug. Our software does not coddle the weak. Bugs are good for building character in the user.
• A TRUE Klingon Warrior does not comment his code!
• By filing this bug report you have challenged the honor of my family. Prepare to die!
• You question the worthiness of my code? I should kill you where you stand!
• Our users will know fear and cower before our software! Ship it! Ship it and let them flee like the dogs they are!
• Our competitors are without honor!
• Klingon programs don't do accountancy. For that, you need a Ferengi (another type of character in the ST world who's speciality is commerce).
• Klingon multitasking systems do not support "time-sharing".
• When a Klingon program wants to run, it challenges the scheduler in hand-to-hand combat and owns the machine.
• Perhaps it IS a good day to die! I say we ship it!
• My program has just dumped Stova Core!
• Behold, the keyboard of Kalis! The greatest Klingon code warrior that ever lived!

Here is the link to the whole page... http://gradha.sdf-eu.org/textos/klingon_programmer.en.html

Second: interesting things that you learn about computers in the movies...

• Word processors never display a cursor.
• You never have to use the spacebar when typing long sentences.
• All monitors display 2 inch high letters.
• High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA, or some such governmental institution, have easy-to-understand graphical interfaces.
• Those that don't will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
• Corollary: You can gain access to any information you want by simply typing ACCESS ALL OF THE SECRET FILES on any keyboard.
• Likewise, you can infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing UPLOAD VIRUS. Viruses cause temperatures in computers, just like they do in humans. After a while, smoke billows out of disk drives and monitors.
• All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer, even if it's turned off.
• Powerful computers beep whenever you press a key or whenever the screen changes. Some computers also slow down the output on the screen so that it doesn't go faster than you can read. The really advanced ones also emulate the sound of a dot-matrix printer as the characters come across the screen.
• Malfunctions are indicated by a bright flash, a puff of smoke, a shower of sparks, and an explosion that forces you backward.
• A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.
• Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function.
• Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds.
• In the movies, modems transmit data at two gigabytes per second.
• When the power plant/missile site/whatever overheats, all the control panels will explode, as will the entire building.
• If you display a file on the screen and someone deletes the file, it also disappears from the screen.
• There are no ways to copy a backup file-and there are no undelete utilities.
• If a disk has got encrypted files, you are automatically asked for a password when you try to access it.
• No matter what kind of computer disk it is, it'll be readable by any system you put it into.
• All application software is usable by all computer platforms.
• The more high-tech the equipment, the more buttons it has. However, everyone must have been highly trained, because the buttons aren't labelled.
• Most computers, no matter how small, have reality-defying three-dimensional, real-time, photo-realistic animated graphics capability. Laptops, for some strange reason, always seem to have amazing real-time video phone capabilities and the performance of a CRAY-MP. Whenever a character looks at a VDU, the image is so bright that it projects itself onto his/her face.
• Computers never crash during key, high-intensity activities.
• Humans operating computers never make mistakes under stress.
• Programs are fiendishly perfect and never have bugs that slow down users.

Here is the link to this one (http://www-users.cs.york.ac.uk/~susan/joke/24.htm)... almost all of them are here... but if you want to check it out... here...

Once again my friends... I show you how geeky I can get... Enjoy! Until next time!!

The ultimate guide to unmaintainable code...

Hello everyone!!! And to my programming friends i have a special treat!! How to make a unmaintainable program and torture future generations!! Here is a sneek preview...

• New Uses For Names For Baby: Buy a copy of a baby naming book and you'll never be at a loss for variable names. Fred is a wonderful name, and easy to type.
• Single Letter Variable Names: If you call your variables a, b, c, then it will be impossible to search for instances of them using a simple text editor. If anyone even hints at breaking the tradition honoured since FØRTRAN of using i, j, and k for indexing variables, namely replacing them with ii, jj and kk, warn them about what the Spanish Inquisition did to heretics (NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!! *confused? two words for you my friend... Monty Python*).
• A.C.R.O.N.Y.M.S.: Real men never define acronyms; they understand them genetically.
• Use Plural Forms From Other Languages: Esperanto , Klingon and Hobbitese qualify as languages for these purposes.
• Underscore, a Friend Indeed: Use _ and __ as identifiers.
• Mix Languages: Randomly intersperse two languages (human or computer). If your boss insists you use his language, tell him you can organise your thoughts better in your own language, or, if that does not work, allege linguistic discrimination and threaten to sue your employers for a vast sum.
• Bedazzling Names: Choose variable names with irrelevant emotional connotation. e.g.:
  marypoppins = (superman + starship) / god; This confuses the reader because they have difficulty disassociating the emotional connotations of the words.
• Obscure film references: Use constant names like LancelotsFavouriteColour instead of blue and assign it hex value of $0204FB. Only someone intimately familiar with Monty Python and the Holy Grail would know that Lancelot's favorite color was blue. If a maintenance programmer can't quote entire Monty Python movies from memory, he or she has no business being a programmer.
• Be polite, Never Assert: Avoid the assert() mechanism, because it could turn a three-day debug fest into a ten minute one.
• Use Three Dimensional Arrays: Lots of them. Move data between the arrays in convoluted ways, say, filling the columns in arrayB with the rows from arrayA. Doing it with an offset of 1, for no apparent reason, is a nice touch. Makes the maintenance programmer nervous.

And i can go on... if you are interested in reading all the document... check out... http://thc.org/root/phun/unmaintain.html its really funny... in a geeky / programmer way...